


How Brian Learned To Wait

by DisasterSoundtrack



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 14:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5251517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisasterSoundtrack/pseuds/DisasterSoundtrack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian, like everybody else, is born with a timer that indicates how many days are left until he meets his one true soulmate.</p><p>Unlike everybody else, he dedicates his life to forgetting about that fact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Brian Learned To Wait

Brian is born in a Boston hospital, with a mop of blond hair, at the break of dawn on May 1st.

His mother touches the delicate skin of his cheeks to make sure he's real, and he is. On their first day back at home, his father takes a picture that is later framed and put above the fireplace.

Brian is welcomed with open arms into a happy family.

*

Brian is five years old when he starts asking about the timer, flashing green numbers from underneath the skin of his right wrist.

His mom shows him her timer. It's only zeroes.

''It shows how many days are left until you meet your one true soulmate, sweetie. Someone you'll love a lot and spend the rest of your life with. See, mine shows only zeroes, because I've met your dad a long time ago. You still have a lot of time left.''

Brian looks at the number on his wrist, but it is so large he has so idea how many days it is. So he just forgets about it.

His older sister is dating a boy. He catches them kissing and touching each other in the living room once. Her timer is still counting down days.

Brian doesn't ask any more questions.

*

He's eleven when he realizes he doesn't want to know. He starts wearing a big watch over his shiny timer and hates himself every time he accidentally glances at the number.

He's fifteen when he has his wrist tattooed. His parents spend two days yelling at him, and then he's grounded for a month, but Brian knows it was worth it. His wrist now displays a row of black squares, the green light gone completely, so he can start living his life and don't obsess about the countdown.

Slowly, he forgets.

*

Brian is twenty-four when he starts drinking himself to numbness, regularly. Twenty-six when he starts doing meth, occasionally.

His parents get older. He can't bear to look at their faces without the extreme feeling of guilt. He's guilty of wasting a good start, he's guilty of being a disappointment; guilty of not trying to change anything.

His sister has settled down with her soulmate, had a child with him, then they got divorced. Brian is so confused about how and why would anyone divorce their soulmate, but other people tell him it happens all the time. That some people just aren't meant to be happy, ever.

He drinks even harder when his sister introduces her new boyfriend to him. Brian slept with him once on a drunken night, and the guy's timer shows he's going to meet ''the one'' in exactly 200 days.

Brian asks no questions. He doesn't want to know the answers.

*

Brian is twenty-nine when he has the last alcoholic drink of his lifetime. It's vodka. The taste burns him for the entire night. In the morning, he sees rays of sunshine reflecting off lumps of sparkly snow on the streets. He hears people laughing. He feels the cold biting into the skin of his face and neck.

He all but runs to his friend's house, and spends hours crying into her arm. She says he's going to be alright.

In the evening, he goes to his first AA meeting, and receives a white chip.

*

Brian's life is now working in a costume shop, taking yoga classes, studying Russian and going to AA meetings. He had to cut cords with most of his friends, but it's okay. They were toxic people.

He still feels toxic himself, sometimes. He tries to fill his hours with meaningful things, but it's not easy. All in all, he's better, and he notices a smile on his mother's face when she visits him.

Brian thinks about dressing up as a woman a lot. On a particularly slow day at work, he puts on a shiny red catsuit, hip padding and fake boobs, tops it all off with a flowy blond wig, and sits down to do make-up. The lady looking at him from the other side of a mirror looks like a Russian prostitute. He nods approvingly.

He names her Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova, after three Russian gymnasts he's been watching on Youtube so eagerly recently.

That's how Katya is born.

*

It happens on an another not-so-busy day at work. Brian is standing behind the counter in a short purple wig just for the hell of it, filling out order papers, when somebody walks into the store. He looks up to see a young man in a blue plaid shirt and jeans. Their gazes cross and that's when Brian's wrist starts pulsating and beeping like an alarm clock.

The other guy's wrist is beeping, too.

''Oh my God. Hello'', the man says. The beeping stops and Brian is still staring at the man's face, not sure what to say, unable to say anything. The guy looks young, a bit younger than him, he has a round face, nice dark eyes and hazel hair. ''So I knew my timer was running out and I was at the street, I don't live here, I'm just visiting, and I was looking at the people around me and realized how much I don't want to spend my life with any of them. So then, yeah, I know it's kind of stupid, but I've started running. I saw a costume shop and thought, why the hell not? I know it makes no sense. Sorry. Just some backstory.''

Suddenly, Brian's words come back to him. ''I have some stuffed animals at the back of the store if you wanna try your luck. There's a giraffe named Janice, but you'd have to take her out for a glass of wine first.''

The guy laughs. ''I'm Brian.''

''Nice to meet you, Brian. I'm Brian, too.''

''Isn't that uncanny.''

The other Brian approaches and shakes Brian's hand. There's a spark jumping between their bodies, and this is how it all begins.

Brian can't see his own timer, but his soulmate's displays only zeroes.

*

Brian is thirty when he meets his soulmate. It's September 23rd and the summer has already ended.

''You can call me Trixie. It'd be less confusing, don't you think? I'm a hair and make-up artist. I also do some performing on the side, and that's my stage name.''

They're still standing in the costume shop, separated by the counter.

''What brings you to Boston?''

''I'm visiting an old friend.''

''Would you like to go out with me, maybe? I can show you around town'', blurts out Brian before he can stop himself.

His newly acquired soulmate grins. ''Are you kidding? Of course. When do we start?''

They start immediately.

*

They try to do the dating thing. They really do.

Except that Trixie is supposed to leave Boston in four days, and they don't have much time to beat around the bush. They click so well they find themselves in Brian's bed after their second date.

Their first kiss is a shattering, world-shifting experience. Brian actually has to stop taking the other man's clothes off and sit down to breathe, gather his thoughts and reflect.

''You okay, Bri? Are you breathing? Wow, I mean – I know what you feel.''

Trixie reaches out and they fall back into each other's arms. First they laugh; Brian starts laughing with relief and Trixie joins him, enveloping him in a tight hug. Then they're kissing again, then the clothes fall to the floor, and the rest is history.

That night, Brian understands the real meaning of the timer on his wrist. They both do. Brian knows his sister is already in the middle of her second divorce, he knows finding your soulmate doesn't guarantee ethernal happiness, or any happiness whatsoever, but he thinks he might've lucked out.

''So there's something I have to show you'', says Trixie in the dead of the night, holding Brian's hand in a fully dark room where they're lying on messed-up sheets. His mind is so blissfully empty, his body tired and warm. Is this how being happy feels like?

''I think I've already seen it all'', he jokes, kissing Trixie's neck. ''Unless you have your grandmother's ashes in that little fanny pack of yours.''

''Why would I – no, it's something else. Turn on the light and promise me you won't laugh.''

Brian switches on a bedside lamp. ''What if it's really funny?''

''It's not, I swear. It's actually pretty embarassing, but I've made a promise to myself years ago and I have to keep it.'' Trixie retrieves a folded piece of paper from his fanny pack and hands it to Brian reluctantly. ''When I was a kid, twelve or thirteen I guess, I wrote a letter to my future soulmate. Don't smile like that! I did. So – yeah, here you go.''

Brian unfolds the paper. It's covered in neat, childish handwriting.

 

_Dear Future Soulmate,_

_it's exactly 4054 days until I meet you. That's such a long time! I can't wait. Every morning I wake up and look at my timer, and I'm so glad there's one day less of waiting for you._

_I don't know where you are or who you are. I just hope you are a good person. I know you are!_

_We're going to do so many great things together when we finally meet. We're going to be so happy._

_I hope you're waiting for me too!_

_Love,_

_Brian Firkus_

_PS. Do you like cats? I hope you like cats. Dogs are okay, too._

Trixie is covering his face in embarrassment when Brian scoots closer to him and hugs him as tight as he possibly can without breaking the other man's bones.

''That was so sweet, thank you.''

''Just rambles of a thirteen-year-old, honestly.''

''I hope you get to live this kid's dream. I hope we're going to be very, very happy together.''

Trixie is beaming at Brian before they start kissing again, and they don't know when to stop. Joy inflates in Brian's soul and body like a balloon.

*

Brian McCook marries his soulmate, Brian Firkus, on a sunny June day in New York. They're both in drag, so Katya marries Trixie, too, at the same time.

Brian can't see his wrist timer through the black ink of his tattoo, but he knows it displays only zeroes.

He's never going to need to worry about that again.

**Author's Note:**

> Talking to people about my fics is one of my favorite activities. Please speak up!
> 
> Forever yours at samrull.tumblr.com


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